What to Keep, What to Throw Away

So hopefully by now you are into the daily habit of creating your sacred space.

One of the more difficult things as you get deeper into this process is to figure out what to throw out. At first it is often pretty easy as you will come across items that obviously need to go (old receipts, junk mail, things you can’t even identify). But what do you do when you start to get stuck? There are several really good guidelines to think about when this happens.

First of all, you may need to create a little area in one room to put items that need more attention. Anything that needs a button sewn on or any kind of repair (that is doable) should go here. You have 30 days to repair the item. If you haven’t repaired it by then, toss it. Many people will say, “Oh, but it’s still good, it just needs…” However, it isn’t doing you any good to hold onto something that is broken, ripped, or otherwise unusable. If you really valued the item, you would get it fixed. I’ve done this before, and by about the 10th day realized I really didn’t care enough about the thing to get it fixed, so out it went.

Here are some good guidelines on deciding what to keep and what to toss/recycle/give away/donate:

1. If you haven’t used it in over a year, toss it. Some people say if you haven’t used it in 5 years to toss it. I think this is a little extreme, but of course, do what works for you. Just know that if you start at the 5 year mark, you will be making many passes through as you decrease the overall timeline. I have found for most people, a one to one-and-a-half year time limit of when you last used the items leads to the most success. (Did I mention that when I was a therapist I had some clients who were diagnosed as hoarders? I really encourage you to go with the year limit.)

2. Any clothing that does not fit you RIGHT NOW needs to go. This is especially true for women. At one time I had a wardrobe that consisted of clothing from size 6-14. Unless you are pregnant, if it’s too big, toss it. Likewise, if you are still hanging on to your “skinny” clothes and you’ve had them for 5, 10, or 15 years, let them go. Having clothing that is too small will just make you feel bad (which, by the way, leads to emotional overeating and often weight gain). When people pare down their wardrobe to clothes that fit well and make them feel good, they find that they might lose a little weight. But the important thing is they feel better about themselves and gain confidence. Besides, if you do lose weight some day, you won’t want those old, worn, out-of-style clothes on your body anyway.

3. Items that are associated with hobbies that you didn’t get around to or no longer participate in (or things that you never learned at all) need to go. My lawn is a litany of sewing fabric, yarn, and cross-stitching supplies at the moment. Someone brought up a good point the other day about not feeling bad about all of the things we are getting rid of. It’s definitely true you might look at the tennis and badminton rackets, model train supplies, or other items as “failed ventures,” or lament about how you never learned to do these things. However, most of the time you were probably using the item and the “stuff” to try to fulfill yourself in some way, and it wasn’t necessarily something you wanted to do.

I have tried many things because I felt like I “should.” Right now I am letting go of all of those things and finding the one to two things I really enjoy. This is not a failure – it’s a learning experience for most of us.

4. Anything that has negative emotional ties. I mean ANYTHING. Most people have tons of pictures and photo albums that have very negative associations for them. For example, if you are divorced, do you have 15 albums (or files on your computer) containing wedding and marriage photos with this person? If so, why? If there was a particularly tragic or depressed time in your life, are you still carrying pictures related to that?

Most people keep tons of photos surrounding memories that are very painful for them. Now, I understand if you have children you don’t want to throw out all of the pictures of their dad. So take the albums, scan them, and put the files on a thumb drive. Then ask someone else to keep it for you so the kids can have it when they get older. Maybe even the dad could keep it. Whatever you do, get these things that make you feel bad out of the house.

When I lost over 100 pounds, I burned all of my “fat” pictures except for one. Really, when you’re that overweight you often don’t let people take pictures of you anyway, so there wasn’t a whole lot to burn. I only kept one picture to remind myself of how far I had come (and in later years to “prove” to people I had been really overweight). At some point I lost that last picture. Oh, well. Likewise, when I got divorced, I later got rid of all of the stuff associated with that marriage – including the pictures. These things were done in a Freeing ritual, not in a malicious way. I just wanted to get rid of all of the negative energy.

Likewise, if you have items that have negative associations for you, get rid of them. Maybe an aunt that you do not like or find manipulative gave you a beautiful vase that most people love and compliment, but it makes you feel sad. Well, give it to someone who will love it! Not only will this free up the negative feelings from your life, but you will be making someone else very happy.

As you go around your home looking for things that no longer serve your purpose, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Have I used it in the last year?

2. Does it fit (and do I feel good in it)?

3. Is this a hobby or activity that I currently participate in and enjoy?

4. Does this item give me positive energy or have positive associations around it?

If your answer is No to any of the above questions, remove the item so that you can make space for something that will better serve you. Are you ready to make a positive change in your life today? Set your timer for 15 minutes…and go!